Which version of Islam? Slim or Fat?

Talking about Islam nowadays is cheap – cheapened by the general sectarian atmosphere that surrounds each and every group that aims to squander unabashed public acclaim. No group feels vindicated unless it comes fortified with visible ‘online’ credentials – no Sunni, Shi”i, Sufi, Ismaíli or Newbie Muslim worth his or her salt can afford to be seen outside his or her own generic laptop-driven, coffee-laden universe of frothy,worldly drivel, endless cheesecake- smothered gossip and haughty homespun diatribes about the ‘wonders of being Muslim’. These ‘wonders’ range from Malaysian golf-playing business executives discussing the importance of fasting during Ramadan while high on anti-depressants (Malaysian businessmen are among the world’s most stressed after the Chinese and the Swedes the least stressed) to Jean-hugging, Hijab-clad teenage Saudi TV hosts misreviewing the latest grotesquely infantile Hollywood movie Block Busters. The yesteryear sins of post-modern Western consumer society – hideous Gold-encrusted Gucci handbag et al- are today the darkened virtues of all ‘progressive” Muslims everywhere. While the developed Western nations are busy off-loading their own post-industrial waste through activities such as alternative medicine, sponsored runs, countryside hikes, herbal and organic farming, longer holidays and scholarly pursuits (enrolling for higher second and third degrees) – enjoying substantially healthier and happier family oriented lifestyles – Muslim societies, by contrast, are engaged in the sordid gorging of the rotten carcass of the modern urban lifestyle, self-glorified as the pig-proud but fallen priests of high consumerism. Most modern Muslim cities are now showing all the signs of having become the cradles of  the world’s dystopia congealed.

There are no traditional arts and crafts of the Muslim world; the streets are nicely laced-up with China’s industrial waste – tons and tons of plastic smelling office furniture, children’s toys, Chandeliers, buckets, steel knives and forks, plates and cups, prayer rugs – even inscriptions bearing the name “Allah” – all made in China – are being shipped, as we speak, to Islam’s holiest places. Just take a walk to Souk Uwais in Riyadh on a Wednesday. Traditional Islamic craftsmen, architects and calligraphers have long disappeared from the scene, taking up part-time jobs as hospital porters, Taxi drivers, pirate DVD sellers and handy-men, existing only as citified human cockroaches in damp and caliginous alleys that sprawl unceasingly into the urban nightmare. Western luxury goods like 24 carat Gold Rolex watches and Dunhill Cigarette Lighters are always available in the pretentious boutiques where poorly paid staff wait, hand on foot, on uninformed purchasing “elites” and their families, shovelling in without the slightest  knowledge of any questionable aesthetic impropriety or malice.

If, by chance, a modern Muslim city were to have anything so typically inglorious as as a Library or even a “University” you can bet your last Riyal on the likelihood that it will house only the finest stalwarts of urbane sophistication -salary-hugging officials who cut ribbons while putting money into undeclared off-shore Bank accounts. The middle management are, of course, ever ready to show their (in)sincerity to higher education- to the “ethos”of the Academy – by unfurling even newer purpose-built H-Blocks filled with yet more opaque, airless cells equipped with the latest Taiwanese software. There, in the antechamber of academe, in the bosom of Beijing’s noveau ameublement and audio-visual razzamatazz, lies the ghost of the absent teacher, beaten to the post by so and so’s cousin who knows the Dean. If the airless cells did not kill him, love for education certainly did not save him.

Food, glorious food! You are what you eat – Muslim cities have been reduced, en mass, to Kebab and Burger fastfood conglomerations – yes, there are a few good restaurants in these cities but the overwhelming emphasis on red meat has wrecked the very notion of Islamic cuisine – which has always been pro-vegetable and fruit, fish and fresh bread. The arrival of rice has been relatively late in the offering especially within the Arabian peninsular. Traditional Saudi Kabsa may be eaten with guests but never as daily consumption. Eating habits can change the course of civilizations.

What is it about the number of hospitals and the health of a nation?  Any country like Saudi Arabia can, if it chooses, employ a strong enough argument to show that the large number of modern high-tech hospitals in the Kingdom are a sure sign of the good health of the nation. But is this really a strong argument? If anything, the number of hospitals is, unfortunately, a sign of the exact opposite of this argument. Nothing is so genuinely disturbing than to witness the relatively large-scale routine hospitalization of many ordinary Saudis. Heart disease, diabetes, obesity and the chronic lack of exercise are the biggest killers of both young and old Saudis – No need to wait for an invading army from the East or the West, no need to wait for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – all that is required is a suicidal Drive-thru lifestyle, one that strictly forbids walking on pavements or mistakenly opening the car door to walk to the grocery store (young Saudi drivers only need to honk and the poor Indian grocery man will come out to his car) – even Drive-Thru ATM machines, just in case you are tempted to make a quick dash for some more money for the mobile coffin. This is not just another Saudi-bashing  blog ; similar shocking scenes are being replicated and copied across the Muslim World; in Iran, in Syria, in Iraq, in Egypt. It is hoped that Saudi Arabia will emerge as the real moral bench mark for the entire region and the rest of the Islamic World.

So, finally, the question of the hour is: which version of Islam do Muslims deplore? Forget Sunni, Shia, Salafi or Sufi- these are grossly over politicized terms that have now become meaningless in the context of which we speak – there are today only two versions from which to choose; the Slim or the Fat?

Advertisement